Dan Brown

Any book by Dan Brown is automatically a douchebook. As soon as you see someone reading The Da Vinci Code or Angels and Demons, you know exactly who they are. If you really, really are dying to see what religion that professor will blaspheme next, please, keep it by your bedside. I will be less inclined to judge you.

Are some offenses worse than others? Oh. yes, yes they are. Quoth Libby:
"A couple reading Angels and Demons on the Greyhound. a couple. TOGETHER."

First, the sheer grossness of a couple reading any book together is douchey enough. Can't you do anything separately? Second, is Angels and Demons a "couple" book? Do you have heated debates that always, inevitably lead to hot, hot, Dan Brown-inspired lovin'? That is just icky. You are making all of us who see you reading a Dan Brown book together think that very thing, and that's just rude.

Congratulations, Dan Brown. You are not only an author, but a relationship-saver.